I'm not afraid
by Jilly Beany
Summary: In the end Jill wasn't afraid anymore.


Not afraid

In the end she wasn't afraid.

* * *

_I'm afraid _

The moment she slammed her body into the solid mass that was the man she called boss she knew she was afraid. Her determination and anger overshadowed most of it but she knew what would happen the moment she dove for him.

She wanted it to end because no matter what had happened she wanted this final piece of Umbrella to end and to her that infected monster was the last piece tied to Umbrella.

She didn't scream as she fell towards the ground, she was focused on holding on tight to the creature in her arms. The fear bubbled up but she ignore it she had to because she wanted it to end.

_I'm afraid _

She was afraid more then she had ever been. When she first stumbled into this nightmare Umbrella unleashed she had screamed and she had cried because she could and that made the fear more easy to handle; even in the darkness point of the night where her nightmares could chase her with ease she could deal with the fear because she could vent it some how.

The fear she felt now was more tangible because she couldn't scream… she couldn't fight… she couldn't cry. She was a prisoner within her own body and this cold white lab. The monster she had admired while he was still human knew she felt it all… she could tell by the smirk that he knew how scared she was but he never once indicated he knew _anything _about her condition.

Her pain was now overshadowed by the fear and at her lowest moment she prayed to slip into the darkness and never wake up.

She prayed that one of the viruses they injected her with would do it's job and just kill her.

"I know your afraid Valentine… you should be" his voice made her squirm within her body and try to fight back against whatever drugs they pumped her full of.

She embraced the fear coursing through her prison body because even as Wesker injected her with that last vile she knew fear had been her only friend for so long now.

_I'm afraid _

Her training hadn't included this. The fear wasn't what she had expected but it had hit with such a force that she refused to look at him.

Waking up the memories of her old life were strange and left a funny taste in her mouth. She wasn't that woman with brown hair and eager bright eyes.

She was his in every sense of the word and she never fear that. Since her rebirth she had never felt fear even when he had ordered to fight, to kill or to be …. _his. _but now as she stood ready to show Wesker everything she had learnt she had felt the fear of failing him.

"Are you afraid Jill?" his voice taunted her and she wanted nothing more then to hide that fear away and be all that he wanted.

"Embrace it my dear because it's what all those around you will feel in your presence" his words did nothing to help her.

Even as she slipped that cloak on and assumed her position as his; the fear was consuming.

_I'm afraid_

She knew her looks alone caused fear to ripple throughout them all. Chris tried his best but each day looking at her pale features and blonde hair he grew to hate her a little more. She feared that for all she did she could never come back.

She knew she never would but the fear still clung to her and even when she tried to reassure Chris she knew he would never look at her like he once did.

Their one night was forgotten and their friendship had a semi resemblance to what they had.

But her fear of acceptance was soon over shadowed by the fear of seeing Wesker in her dreams. She feared his tight hold of her would longer long after his 'death'.

"Do you still fear me Jill?" the words echoed around her mind as she tore her self from her nightmares.

She didn't want to admit that she was still afraid of him and of what she might still become.

_I'm afraid _

The blood on her hands pumped new fear around her. The blood lust of the fight had over took her blocking out common sense. She feared their looks. She _was _just like _him_. After all the promises and chants she was still like her own monster.

The darkness didn't seem so bad after that because in the darkness she could hide from the fear she saw in their faces. She was afraid to look at herself because she would see the monster she had become. She had laughed and she had cried because for how human she looked she knew she wasn't.

"How can you fear the monsters when you are one?" his voice taunted her but instead of fearing it she embraced it because despite it all she was just like him.

_I'm not afraid _

The twisted smile curved her lips and the snigger that wanted to rip from her mouth was by that sharp look because it convinced her that even though she couldn't fear them anymore she shouldn't gloat.

He had told her it was beneath her.

"I'm not afraid" her cold words were strong and forceful because she meant it. The moment she left the people who had called her friend she knew her fear was what kept her tied with them. The fear of what she would become had stopped her from seeing the bigger picture.

Her fear had killed her and her fear had made her stumble but once she embrace it all she knew she had nothing to fear because she was a monster.

In this new world being moulded around them was filled with nightmares and monsters and no fear could be held if you planned to survive.

And she was a survivor.

"Of course not my dear; your stronger then fear" his smooth and cold voice was almost like a lullaby to her now. It soothed away any nudge of fear that might claw it's way up.

She wasn't that woman anymore.

Jill Valentine's fear had put of her death for a little while but it was going to happen.

The new Jill Valentine had nothing to fear anymore.

Because monsters couldn't fear.

* * *

Don't know where this came from. Just didn't want to accept that Jill would go back to her friends after everything Wesker did to her. This is however my first RE Fanfic.


End file.
